Monday, November 1, 2010


It's the morning of the 1st November. I woke up around 8am today experiencing headache & muscle pain on my arm. I love to feel the pain on my muscle because I know, it is growing to be bigger. Then I stood in front of the mirror & start flexing my arm to noticed any differences. I am pleased with myself then I decided to take my breakfast. 

While I'm having a cup of hot Nestum, I browsed through a blog called The Pretty Boys' Club. Gay isn't it? Well, its a gay blog after all. Yes, its a perfect way to start a day looking at almost naked sexy muscular guys picture. I love what I saw but at the same time, I hate those guys. I started to feel jealous because I wanted to look that "hot" too. 

I started to think & make plan in my head. "I'm going to do abs after this, I'm getting fatter. I need to have a hard solid abs like these guys...", "Why wouldn't my body look like them??? Why is it so hard to build chest like them??? I need to work harder!"

I guess that's what motivates me to exercise. Apart from pleasing my eyes & satisfying myself, it urged me to have a body like them. Plus, it keeps me stay healthy, fit & sexy!

What motivates you to exercise?

Sunday, October 31, 2010


"Being someone’s first love may be great. But to be their last is beyond perfect."

31st October is a Valentine's Day for me

A gift from Heart

Thanks Aleey Andro

Forever you'll stay in my heart

Thanks to Abg Zam, Azrie, Abg Zen & Sham for all the helps and cares.

Friday, October 22, 2010

What is the best thing about being gay? =)

It's just one more thing that makes me unique and different from everyone else..hehe..Being gay is a blessing and a curse. 

When u're gay, u have to make many tough decisions pertaining to yourself as an individual and to other people. It is difficult, but it helps us grow, perhaps on average more than the straight people. We have to be strong, & we have more of a chance to learn, to stretch our comfort boundaries. However, there is also the pain of confusion as a teen which I am sure almost everyone has encountered, possible abandonment by people whom you love, depression & maybe thoughts on suicide & the impossibility of argue with those "fucktards" that don't even believe you have basic human rights as an excuse to deprive u of ur rights. Still, it helps us grow. 

What we live through makes us stronger. And we are stronger than the average man or woman. It makes us who we are. Even though we're not labeled by it, we are still in a way defined by the fact that we are gay.. <peace>

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Harder But Happier

"We lived every day with the knowledge that we could meet a final end at any moment. There was constant excitement and frequent fear." 
- Quoted from a novel by Stephenie Meyer, The Host.

For almost ten weeks, I've been living in a very cruel world that I'd created for myself. I do not blame anyone for any mistake that I made or feel remorse at everything I had done. Yes sometimes I did, but I'm not the "I-will-die-when-Harry Potter-sequence-end" type of person. I think I am a center of gravity for anything that called PROBLEM. Maybe God is trying to show me something - or try to tell me that He still love me. But I gained experience and lesson from every situation that I faced - in a very childish way. Life is such a wonderful treasure.

Why harder? Imagine yourself as Alice in Wonderland surrounded by big and large strange faces. Living in people's place made me felt tiny but I'm not a baby anymore. The process of going through life is always hard (except for Paris Hilton of course). Some might lose hope, some might break down. That is because they didn't see the goodness in life had in store for them - especially the goodness that is so hard to see as such.  It's all a piece of a puzzle, takes time to solve it. That's my reason to be happier.

Please do visit Davey Wavey Blog Page. He is a great funny guy and full with inspirations. I really love him. This is one of his YouTube video that inspires me. Enjoy!

Friday, July 30, 2010


Well it’s good to hear your voice
I hope you’re doing fine
And if you ever wonder
I’m lonely here tonight
Lost here in this moment
Time keeps slipping by
If I could have just one wish
I’d have you by my side

Well I tried to live without you
But tears fall from my eyes
I’m alone and I feel empty
I’m torn apart inside

I look up at the starts
Hoping you are doing the same
And somehow I feel closer
And I can hear you say

I never wanna lose you
And if I had to I would choose you
So stay, please always stay
You’re the one that I hold on to
My heart would stop without you

I miss you
I need you
And I love you more than I did before
And if today I don’t see your face
Nothing’s changed, no one can take your place
It gets harder everyday
Say you love me more than you did before
And I’m sorry it’s this way
But I’m coming home, I’ll be coming home
And if you ask me I will stay,

Sunday, June 27, 2010


All I can say now is I'M SORRY. SORRY!

P.S: This might be the shortest post.

Saturday, June 12, 2010


I'm screwed. Entah kene screw kat mana, dinding...maybe kat wall facebook kot. Time ni cuti, tiba2 malam ni terasa nak tulis blog sebab something new and horrible happened to me. Somehow, i knew this would happen and im ready for it physically only..hmmm.. Emotionally? Entahla....

What had happened?? Rasa nak bagitau, tapi i decide tak nak la...sangat memalukan..Just keep it for myself & my close friends only..huhu. Now, i have to face the consequences. Struggle hard & pay full concentration. InshaAllah, i hope i can be strong. I know its going to be hard for me this time. How am I going to survive? Huhuhu!! It's ok.. I've been through much more harder situation (this is what i kept telling myself, but still its not working) This time its different. really2 different. Mati aku!!! Pada sapa2 yg tak tau apa yg nady cakap ni, sorry lah yer, i just nak luah i feel..huhu..

It's ok la. Eventually everything will be ok. Hope so. Think positive. We learn from mistake betul tak? Hmmm..

Life time cuti ni boring sikit. Tak tau nak buat apa kat umah. Tiap2 hari buat mende sama jer. Tido, makan, workout, sometimes online. Tapi best gak boleh workout everyday, body pun makin mantap (Masuk bakul angkat sendiri!!!!) hehe.. Nak kuar, tapi takde yang nak ajak. Kuar with parents jer, spend QUALITY time with them. Anak manja katakan. Bluuueeekkkk!! Eh, betul per...haha. Okla..tu jer kot nak mencarut kali ni. Xde idea la nak cakap. Emotion pun tak betul sangat kali ni. Bosan kan blog ni? Tau tak pe...menyesal korang baca..huhu

Tengok video ni lagi best. Hahaha. Love you Lady Gaga
Gay sangat2 video ni..hehe..Ada plak lelaki pakai high heel. Haha. Neway, mmg stylo!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

1st Phase

Haritok aku mok balit Sarawak. Dah lebih kurang 5 months aku kat snanjung tok. Sapa2 yang asal dari Sarawak mesti tauk betapa excited nya rasa mok balit ke negeri dikpun..especially mcm kita tok, nait belon juak nak. Ko ada? SIK ada...! Haha..

Aku rasa post kali tok ku mok cerita jak lah pengalaman aku kat sitok. Ya lah title post tok 1st phase, kira kisah aku belajar 1st sem la. Before tok pun aku pernah berjauhan dari family aku, time tahun 2006, aku ditikam belajar kat UiTM Jengka. Tempat ya nang jauh, dah la memang kampungan, nama jak tek Bandar Jengka, tapi...see it for yourself la. No offence yer org Jengka, mun ktkorg sik ngakuk tempat ktkorg ya kampungan, nang rasa kacak la. Sik hal, sik sidak ya faham baca post tok. Merana jiwa raga time blaja kat sia. Tapi aku mintak transfer balit ke Sarawak lepas sigek sem jak kat sia. Yah! So time ya lah aku dapat juak 2 3 igek pengalaman berjauhan dari family, so kinektok aku sik kesah gilak mun maok di anta sorang2 pegi tmpt sik penah aku pegi.

So kali tok aku kat Shah Alam jak. Senang sikit, sik susah gilak. Tapi cabaran paling besar diam kat sitok, mun sik pande berjimat, abisla...mcm aku tok..Aihh, post tok tek nak ngenak aku mpun ka? Haha. Time before datang S.Alam tok dolok nak, aku mcm rasa tempat tok best bah. Dengar crita org tek nak, time diploma dolok, semua org jak mok amik degree kat S.Alam. Urmmmm, bila dikpun tek dah sampe ctok, sikla best ney gilak. 2 kali 5 kedak time blaja di Samarahan. S.Alam tok sikda apa2 juak kat bandar tok, nok best nya jak ialah nya dekat dgn KL. Setengah jam jak dah sampe mun nait tren. Yalah ku madah tek, mun sik pande berjimat, abis. KL ada segala-galanya. As long ada money, dapat la ko nak enjoy sia. Mcm aku time kuar duit pinjaman, lalu pegi IKEA beli barang pake umah. Rasa org dah bekerja jak aku. Aku spent almost RM300 beli barang dak meja & kerusi etc...Kakya, berbeli kasut, bukannya mok nak murah, Adidas juak, berapa? Rm300 juak. Haha..sikbah ngambik tahan lama, sik berbeli every sem mok kasut baru jak. Then beli dumbbbell, aku tek nak build muscle tek katanya...sanggup beli ya RM200++. Tapi aku rasa aku paling banyak spent duit aku kat barang makan. Mun hal makan tok aku nak sik lokek. So siapa2 nok mintak belanja ya, jumpa aku k.(eksen jak bah). Pasya tempat faveret aku spend duit kat cney?Logo kat debah ya, STARBUCKS! haha.. Ney ndak ruak duit kuar.Sanggup beli botol airnya harga RM59 ngan mug simple2 ya jak harga RM35. Passion over money tek nak.

Aku mok share la sikit history Starbucks tok, aku obses tek nak. Mun mok nangga video tok nangga jak, mun sikmok, boleh skip..nang melelat kata org tua..hahaha

Tok rupa bilit ku lepas dihias dgn brg dibeli kat IKEA. Okla juak rupanya.

Ok..udah gik. Apa gik mok dicerita tok. Aku tok lom mandik, maka jauh perjalanan ku haritok mok ke KL gik ptg tok, pasya pg KLIA gik. Apuuuu! Malam tok flight pukul 10.15pm bah. Pake MAS ok! Bukan airasia..hahaha.Sot aku tok. Aok, masuk gik bab2 hal cinta tok. Ewww! Aku tok time di Kuching before sampe ctok, ada gerek. Hehe. Bila aku dihantar ke S.Alam tok, terpaksa la aku dlm situasi LDR (long distance relationship). Its really hard to be in this situation. Seriously. Mula2 ya nang aku sik dpt tahan nyawa berjauhan dgn si dia. (rasa gelik2 dah aku tok) Haha!. Tapi, macam la ktkorg sik tauk, mcm ney kehidupan sosial kat KL tok. Jeng3x. Iboh jak ku cerita. Ku just dpt madah conclusion gerek ku, nya madah, sejak aku kat sitok nak, makin kenja jak dirik! hehe.Adala 2 3 igek dilemma. Ok enough. Case close. Hal study gik. Aku time dalam kelas sik rapat gilak dgn classmate aku. Mok kata dirik aku tek sombong sik juak. Sik ngam bah. Mbiak sitok paham2 jak la. Sik dpt dipadah ctok, controversi kelak. Even aku pernah kelai dgn sorang classmate aku tok dalam facebook. Baru aku molah sigek statement, lalu nak moha. So, overall study aku teruk, main2 jak. Keja group aku sik pernah molalh, org lain jak polah, aku main tulis nama jak. Teruk aku nak. Sik apa la. Agik mok nyesuaikan dirik lepas setahun sik study. Then, time final exam ya juak, teruk juak, aku sik berapa study, tambah gik gerek ku datang dari Kch mok celebrate birthday aku. Owh! best gift ever ya. Enjoy la aku tek. Lalu hilang terus tumpuan sepanjang exam week. Fuh! So now aku just redha jak dgn result nya kelak.huhu.

Tok aku share pic2 time birthday aku celebrate dgn kwn2 lamak 

Hmmm..Cheese Cake Secret Recipe

Aaaarrrrrrr!! Hehe..

Tiba2 Radhi mok bergambar dgn kmk org, bukan kmk org mok bergambar dgn nya.hehe

Oklah...aku rasa ya jak yang dpt ditulis aku. Aku mok mandik gik pastok, getting ready everything, make sure xda barang lupak. Dah la beg berat, confom 10kilo lebih cos aku ngembak dumbbell ku balit sigek. Haha. Bila aku dah sampe Kuching kelak, lalu sik berupdate dak facebook, twitter aku tok coz di umah xda internet. Adui2. Okla, ya jak. Makseh spend masa baca pengalaman ringkas aku tok. Have fun guys & happy holidays to me! Mmmmuuuaaahhhhh! :)

It's Ain't My DNA

I just wanna share this hot new song from Miley Cyrus, Can't Be Tamed. I love the lyrics in this song that says "I'm not a mistake, I'm not a fake, it's ain't my DNA" plus Miley looks sexy...just like i wanted her to, not much to say, just watch it yourself, if you like, leave some comment...(if la ada org yg baca my blog...hahaha)

One more video i'd like to share is video from personal trainer/model Scott Herman. This is my favourite workout routine. It's fun and it really WORKS! Try it.

How to Get a "Porn Star Butt" and "Hollywood Thighs"

Monday, May 10, 2010

Cat = New Life

Hi guys...this is the 1st time im posting a it's gonna be weird since I really dont know what to say... friend told me to wrote what I feel at my blog tak kira lah ada yg nak baca ke, x na baca ker...its my words...not them...

Today...macam hari2 biasa, tapi ada sesuatu dalam fikiran aku yang nakkan sesuatu. Aku tak boleh nak bagitau kat sini sebab adala reason to protect myself cause it involve my feeling and others. It was a sad day for me. Arggghhhh sucks! I really don't know what to write. I think i just tell you what happen tonight..

I was sitting alone at a park just to clear my head up (not because of my exam). Guess what? I met a new friend. A white male cat. Suddenly it poped in front of me and I was a bit scared cause it was a bit dark at the moment. It may sound crazy but i talked with this cat and to my suprised, it reacted like it was listening to me. I kept on talking and talking, telling how I feel, whats my problem. When I looked at it, watching it behavior, licking itself, jumping around, sitting next to me, wanting me to pampered him, made me taught that this cat life is better than mine. At a moment, I wish I was a cat, but it's ok, maybe their life is limited. You know what I mean. Then still I taught this cat life is happier than mine.

Suddenly, i realized, it was like this cat is telling me that things happen for a reason. The way it showing me how it moved is like it was dancing around to tell me that I should be grateful with everything that I have and keep on moving positively with my life.The cat eyes was gleaming toward me and I know that he wanted me to smile. So I smiled. A second after that, he ran from me and slowly it lost in the darkness... I guessed, his mission has accomplished.

Thats how the story end. Even it was just a cat, it gives me a bigger picture of life. Its the matter of how we live it and how much time we takes to realized either we play it good, bad or fair. Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness is not always outside our windows.